Flipping the Birds

The other night, I was at my older daughter's honor choir concert. While they were singing the folk song, "Risseldy Rosseldy," I felt myself getting uneasy, like I needed to look over my shoulder. Being an office politics consultant, I allow myself a healthy degree of paranoia, but this overwhelming urge at a music concert was odd. Then it hit me: this was the song the children were singing in the background during the iconic playground scene in Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds."

If you've never seen the movie, shame on you. Hitchcock builds suspense like few can, and this movie is no exception. In the scene in question, Tippi Hedren's character, Melanie Daniels, is sitting outside the schoolhouse waiting to talk to the teacher and check on the well-being of the children after numerous bird attacks in the area. The children are inside singing a very repetitive song, the chorus being sung sweetly and innocently over and over again. Behind Melanie, birds are gathering on the playground equipment while she, impatient and oblivious, sits with her back to the impending danger. You, the spectator, want to scream, "WOULD YOU JUST TURN AROUND!?!?!?!"

In my career, I've seen a similar scenario played out often. I see individuals or departments who are sitting on the bench getting agitated, while doom flocks behind them just out of sight. Of course, they have the power to turn around and see the danger for what it is, but they're too absorbed in their own little "here and now." So they sit. And they wait. And they ignore.

What are some of the flocks gathering behind them?

• Processes - Out-of-control processes seem to compound themselves. If a new input, like a novice employee or a software conversion, is introduced, it brings the flawed processes to light. However, most people tend to blame the new input for the problems rather than placing blame where it lies.
• Toxic Employees - Amazing what one or two really toxic people can do to a workplace and how quickly their cancer can spread to others if left unchecked. Management may relegate it to a "coaching opportunity" or an "HR issue" but it doesn't make the morale improve for those who have to endure.
• Policies and Procedures - I admire companies who have very small, finite sets of policies and procedures. They're able to hire bright, self-governing individuals who don't need a lot of direction. However, other companies weigh their otherwise high-performing employees down with ridiculous rules written to govern a select few who should just be fired.
• Behavior - It's hard to look in the mirror sometimes and see how your own behaviors, decisions, and performance may be flocking together to undo all the good you think you've done in your career. Looking at the three above is relatively easy by comparison. It's somebody else's fault. This is one where a good self-reflection can prevent you from getting pecked to death when you least expect it.

Some people assume they are safe exactly where they are. They never feel the need to turn around. So... before it's too late, are you willing and able to turn around?

One Week Down; Fifty-One To Go

It's been a week since I returned from SOBCon (Successful Online Business Conference). I've take a few years off from the conference since my last appearance in 2008. They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder," and it couldn't be more true.

Liz Strauss and Terry "Starbucker" St. Marie create a magical environment in downtown Chicago one weekend each year. They collect some wickedly smart people to share with the rest of us. I got to hear Tim Sanders (former Yahoo big-wig and author), entrepreneur Tim Storm, producer Gary Goldstein, and the incomparable Steve Farber. And that's just the start of the list. If I named everyone who had an impact on me last weekend, this would be a thousand-word post.

I met all kinds of awesome people. I heard all kinds of awesome messages. Messages about balance, and purpose, and community. Messages about changing the world and being flexible in uncertain environments. And it made me think about my own business. I'm still processing all of it.

Sorry I'm not being more specific about the things I learned, but some are of the revelations were very personal.

The greatest reminder was that in the midst of doing a lot of things for other people the past few years, it's OK for me to recharge my own batteries occasionally.

I'm already counting down for next year.

Underlying Assumptions

Recently, a former student posted on Facebook, asking that her friends share our pet peeves. As a moderate Republican, I commented that my pet peeve was "when people assume that ALL Republicans are anti-environment, anti-education, anti-people, pro-Christian-right, and pro-greed." I was surprised when another of her friends responded by saying that his pet peeve was "When Republicans lie and say they aren't anti-environment, anti-education, anti-people, pro-Christian-right, and pro-greed."

I have to admit, I was fairly incensed. After all, this individual didn't know me as a person, didn't bother to learn anything about me. He had it in his mind that ALL Republicans were just one way. Evidently, it's still politically correct to stereotype and bash Republicans. I was even more irritated this was an employee at the university where I teach... and he probably didn't realize he'd just defamed a faculty member online. My final point of irritation was he was a person of color who had, I'm guessing, probably been the victim of stereotyping himself at some point in his life; evidently embracing diversity only went one way in his mind.

But, like all who stereotype and label, he was operating on a foundation of very strong underlying assumptions. First, every Republican he's encountered in his life must have fallen into his preconceived framework. Second, anyone who did not fall into those underlying assumptions must be lying.

Underlying assumptions are tricky things. They really do affect our behaviors in so many of our daily transactions. If you assume somebody on your team is lazy or incompetent, you may be inclined to go behind their back, second-guess their work, or start micromanaging them. If you assume somebody is out to get you, you may start to build walls. If you assume somebody has supported you on issues in the past, they will support you on upcoming issues.

How do you over come a severe case of underlying assumptions?

1. For starters, call them out. When somebody makes a strong statement like "Bob couldn't handle that assignment," simply note that seems like a very strong statement to have made about Bob.
2. Next, get at the assumptions themselves. What do you believe to be true about Bob that makes you think he can't handle the assignment? (Note, this is best done in a one-on-one format rather than in a meeting forum.)
3. How did you arrive at those assumptions? What behaviors did Bob display? (Focus on tangible behaviors or statements, not hearsay or innuendo.) Did the offending party read the behaviors correctly? Was there a pattern of behavior or simply a one-time activity? Did you provide Bob with feedback regarding the behaviors when you saw them?
4. Can you refute the assumptions if they are not valid? Can you give the assignment to Bob, make him aware of the assumptions, and then set him up for success?

Another element in this discussion is trust. If trust is absent in the relationship, assumptions can run rampant much more easily. Since I have no personal or business relationship with this Republican-bashing friend-of-a-friend, I'll probably just let him wallow in his ignorance.

So... what assumptions are you carrying about others? What underlying assumptions have others made about you?

Another great resource on this topic is the book, Leadership and Self-Deception, by the Arbinger Institute. This quick read does a great job of demonstrating how and why we put boxes around other people (and ourselves) and arrive at the assumptions we do.

Dying To Tell

It's been a year already.

One year ago today, my mom passed away following a battle with cancer.

It's been a year of reflection. A year of tears. A year of memory-induced smiles. A year of frustrations. And a year of love.

In the past year, I was reminded of true friendship. In the past year, I was able to crystalize my priorities. In the past year, I was able to refocus and realign and repair.

And in the past year, I was able to heal and prepare to give back.

Adversity can bring people together in really unexpected ways. Months before Mom's passing, I learned that friend and fellow-blogger, Karen Putz, was going through a similar journey with her dad. Through many tweets, Facebook posts and text messages of encouragement, we shared a lot to help each other make it through those final months.

What came out of those messages was a lot of wisdom and insight. Right before our parents died (her dad passed away the morning of Mom's funeral), I asked Karen what she thought of sharing our journey with others. This is a project we've been tackling at our own speed over the past year. We've now created a book, tentatively titled: "Dying To Tell - A Guide for End-of-Life caregivers." Our goal was to provide others with practical advice through five different phases:

1. Diagnosis
2. Treatment
3. Nearing the end
4. Death and funeral
5. Aftermath

Through short anecdotes and succinct bullet lists, we've written our best thoughts, advice, how-to's, and memories to help others. Little time savers, dealing with well-meaning but difficult bystanders, making early preparations, handling the funeral home, etc. - all were noteworthy in our world. We're still making some final tweaks as well as shopping for a publisher, but we believe we've crafted an easy-to-digest guide to help others through their end-of-life journey.

We'll keep you posted as we get closer to completion and release.

Our parents will continue to live on in our memories. Their legacy, even in death, will continue to help others. Our plan is to donate profits from the book to hospice organizations.

To all my friends and family who have had a positive role in helping me through the grieving process this past year, I thank you deeply and sincerely. You took my hand to get me through an incredible year.

Six Appeal

Has it really been six years since I started blogging? Let's see... 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006... well, by jove... it HAS been six years.

Thanks for all the fun along the way. I don't blog as much as years past... it seems our world has become more "content heavy" with more people speaking than listening. I'll still keep putting thoughts out here, since I know there are a few faithful still reading, even if they don't comment.

There's still a simple appeal to blogging. I've actually been enjoying going back and reading my own stuff. And it was interesting to think about what was going on in my life when I wrote a post. It's also been fun to see how my career has evolved over the past six years since that very first post.

Accomplishment is still very important to me, but the essence of accomplishment has evolved for me. Life events change perspective. What some people consider a major accomplishment may barely merit a nod from me, while I find myself looking for the elusively unnoticed accomplishments which carry major impacts, and those earn my applause.

I also find myself more grateful to those who have shaped my life and my perspective over the past six years. Even the less desirable individuals who seem to require extra grace to tolerate have transformed me. I suppose in this election year, that's a good thing.

As for the picture? Well, you should know by now to expect a bit of mischief. Some accomplishments refuse to change.

Take a Flying Leap

It's "Leap Day," folks!

That one day that appears every four years to extend February even longer than this month deserves. I'm not sure why Leap Day couldn't appear in nicer month, like June when it's warm but not too hot. Or how about October, when the fall foliage is so pleasant? But NO, it's in February. When the weather is cold and slushy at worst; indecisive, at best.

Sometimes, like the month of February, we really do want some people to just go away, to take a flying leap, as it were. Sometimes, we create rules and procedures or post signs to keep those people away. I found such an instance the other morning when I was going to get my morning bagle. The Tavern is a restaurant here in town that makes one of the best "slider" pizzas anywhere. They're located in a busy strip mall near a very popular deli (not to mention my favorite bagel/muffin spot). I can understand why they posted this sign. The parking over the lunch hour can be downright attrocious. I've had to play parking lot vulture more than once, and I'm sure some of the parking angst has spilled over to their lot.

However...

I've heard a lot of grousing about their sign, and I can understand why. The tone pretty much has all the charm of a porcupine in a barbed wire coat. In trying to accomplish something, they're creating some undesirable consequences; namely, people who might be otherwise be customers do not wish to eat there.

I've talked on this blog before about being engaging with our accomplishments. We want to create the conversation and curiosity to draw others in, not push them away. Granted, there will always be those undesirables we wish to keep away from our accomplishments (or I wouldn't have a job as an office politics consultant). Still, in our efforts to keep away the "undesirables," are we creating messages (rules, policies, etc.) which send the desirable stakeholders away as well? Do we just consider them collateral damage?

Just some thoughts as we wrap up the month.